Teams
Oakland Outlaws
Roster
Captains: Kitt Turbo • Taxi Scab
Brick Shields • Chesty Gillespie • Chica Mala • Deadly Nightshade • Flash Morgan • Grrr Lee Burly • Jane Hammer • Jennacologist • Lady Kiss-Off • Lemmy Chokeya • Lucky Roller • Pandamonium • Polly Puredread • Roughouse Rhonda • Sinnocent • Swoozie Hurtz • Whisky T. Foxtrot
Team Story
(01-22) 18:05 PST OAKLAND —In an unprecedented power grab today during an unannounced, clandestine meeting, the Longshoreman’s Union relinquished control of the Port of Oakland docks to the Oakland Outlaws, a notorious all-female organization of self-proclaimed “molls on skates.”
Since the 1940s, when a crackdown of the law sent the town’s most notorious gangsters to Alcatraz, the Port of Oakland has been Union turf. In a press release left on the docks, sometimes addressing Mayor Dellums personally, and signed by an Outlaws’ ringleader, Kitt Turbo, “This is a new era for Oakland—Oakland’s got a new pin: The Outlaws.”
Another witness, going only by her nickname, “Taxi,” a secretary of the Longshoreman’s Union said, “I don’t mean to sound like a jerk, but the union had it comin’ to them. They’ve been a lot of sloppy joe’s with who they got on staff—they ain’t working with no grey between the ears.” When further pressed about the details of upper-level management in the local union, Ms. Taxi simply replied, “Now, you are dangerous.”
In response to the press release left by the Outlaws, Police Chief John Diss said, “Ask any shell game rat where their junk sprang and they’ll say they piped it from that who scored it from this who bought it off so and after four or five connections the list always ends with the Outlaws.”
Most witnesses of Outlaws activities are often too afraid to speak to authorities or press for fear of
retribution. One frightened witness claims the Outlaws are “the meanest looking broads seen since Mae Capone.”
The Mayor’s office has yet to respond to the press release, in light of the fact that Mayor Dellums is
currently vacationing in Monaco.
myspace
Be friends with the Oakland Outlaws!